Sign in my office

I have had this piece of paper hanging in my office for 10 years or so. I don't know where I got it, but on weeks like these, I like to look at it and pick one or two out to focus on.

Things For Women To Say On High Stress Days

• You - Off my planet.
• Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
• Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
• I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
• Allow me to introduce my selves.
• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• I'm just working here until a good fast-food job opens up.
• I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
• Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.
• I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
• How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
• I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
• You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
• Can I trade this job for what's behind door # 2?
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
• Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
• Earth is full. Go home.
• Is it time for your medication or mine?
• How do i set a laser printer to stun?
• I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.